How would you prefer to die? (Question submitted by Brouhaha)

Thanks Brouhaha,

It actually took me this long to contemplate a way to put this into words...

this may be a little TMI for a lot of folks so you may want to skip all the way to the end...

Growing up my mom was suicidal... I remember her attempting three times, and I took it hard. As a kid, it makes you wonder how terrible of a kid you must be for your mom to want out of the world like that... so, I made a promise to myself that I would never ever do something like that at any cost... there is nothing in this world that could possibly drive me to those ends... I am a strong individual and I can cope with anything... that was after her first attempt that i remember around the 8th grade... then she got out of the hospital... and my brother and her got into a big fight and they both admitted to being molested... as kids... it ripped the family apart... and my brother was suicidal... spent some time at New Orleans Adolescent Hospital... (oh great... does this thing run in the family)... he gets out and copes with drugs and alcohol... mom copes by letting him do whatever he wants... he starts doing time for attempted 1st degree murder... and drug charges... finally gets a 5 year sentence for drugs.... in the mean time... i have gotten married... gone back to school... mom has had her second attempt... and i am scared to live with her cause during that attempt she tried to shoot my dad with a revolver... and my brother held my dad at gun point till he dropped the gun he wrestled out of my mom's hands... I think that was back in 91 now skip forward to 2003 ... i am divorced... when Katrina hit I am with a two year old and a three week old with down syndrome... my dad is trapped in the house... my mom is sitting on the 610 at Elysian Fields with my sisiter in law and my two neices and I am with a man that abuses me... my three week old is on a heart monitor, has a fever, two holes in his heart, and I only have three weeks of maternity leave left and work is calling expecting me to go back to clean up the coffee plant...while i am trying to get my son admitted to a hospital in lafayette as every thing that I own is under 5 feet of water and I don't know if my family is going to make the week... The months that followed were the worst emotionally of my life...

When I did go back to work....there were no running water... they stole my katrina trailer for the the work site and told me that my family couldn't live in it... and there was no communication with the rest of the world... for the first time in my life, I thought about jumping off a silo, I started crying and couldn't stop... I remembered how I felt when my mom was in that hospital... and I called the help line cause I couldn't do that to my kids...

SO, to answer your question... How do I want to die.... by my own terms... where no one feels guilty or at fault... where no one grieves my loss... I know I will be missed, but I don't want to feel pain, and I don't want it to be prolonged.... I don't want a slow terminal illness to take me out... It has to be fast .... and if it is in an electric chair... I want to throw the switch... If it is by lethal injection... give me the damn Siana tablet...