In like a Lion...

Last year started with a 3AM pounding on our door to evacuate our building because fireworks ignited our condo building, and we anxiously held our breath as the fire fighters battled the flames as they crept ever so close to the new place we called home. Health issues, transportation issues, work/job issues, child support and visitation issues have all raised stress levels in the homestead this year, but we have overcome some pretty interesting challenges. One of which included getting kahuna Divorced and Married in the span of three days! Go figure... and I never knew I was shacking up with a married dude... let alone engaged to one...

Last night, I was riding home from Denham Springs with one of the clearest night sky's I have seen since Katrina. Seeing that many stars in the sky reminds me of the immensity of the universe and how insignificant I am by comparison. I know that the coming year holds challenges similar to that of the last year. I can only hope that I am more prepared to deal with those challenges. I have child support court on my birthday of all things... then Kahuna has carpal tunnel surgery the day after... I have to have a tumor removed from my ovary later in January... yes, another surgery... and with some luck, I get to go back to work...

With this the last day of the year, I have already started my physical therapy, so I have already put my best foot forward. I am talking the PT with the actual Therapist... who said that I was in incredible shape for recovering from surgery. ( I guess my personal PT program has been doing the trick.) So, go YMCA!

Now, I have to go do some house work... Merry 12th Night!

Finally given freedom...

Charles perked up enough that the doctors decided to lock his IV and give him freedom after he chowed down on an Oreo and a chicken nugget and lets not forget the ice cream. He perked up so much that he began attempting to scale the rails of his bed. We managed to convince the doctors that it would be easier to contain him at home than in the hospital bed. They reluctantly agreed, and released us late tonight which almost never happens... You can only imagine the impression that my child left on the doctors...

Yummy .... Food!

Yeah! We are trying FOOD... 1 OREO AND 1 NUGGET...

He doesn't travel alone...

Santa's posse...

Guess Who Came Back around cause I'm Special!!!

Look what Santa Left While I was Napping...

The state police stoped by dressed as Santa and his reindeer handing out plush toys to the sick tots... Unfortunately... They didn't take into account that the kids would be screaming in terror in their wake... Thankfully... Charles was tramatized earlier with his barium x ray experience and was already asleep when they passed... So they just left the toy... When charles did wake up, he hid under the pillow for 2 hours... He didn't come out till he heard Barney on the tv... Between the barium up the nose... And the cathader to test for the UTI... My son is going to need therapy after this...

My Poor Sick Baby...

Ok... it turns out that after a trip to the dreded Chuck E. Cheese... Punt hat to fish a token out of Charles' mouth... and that is what may have caused the dreaded stomach virus that dehydrated my son to the point of hospitilalization with IV fluids and Barium x-rays for two days... I will never condone any child going to that establishment EVER... cause I have never heard of any place being hired to CLEAN that place... It is a bacteria factory... yuk!

Holy Crap... Hasn't he done enough dammage...

OK... i think in terms of extremes... but according to this article, if my doctor or pharmacist doesn't like my lifestyle, tattoos, or religion... I can be refused medical treatment, care, or prescriptions...

Bush... The Shoes should have fucking hit you in the mouth and you should have fucking choked on them... Leave the country in a salvageable condition... you have done enough damage already...

Mother Night of Yule

Traditionally held on the evening before the Winter's Solstice, Mother's Night is a time when the world between the living and the dead are very thin. It is a time to celebrate family, exchange gifts, and look with wonder to the year ahead. The 12 days of Yule are a time to remember our past, and tell the stories of our people. Each night of Yule corresponds to a month of the year ahead.

If you dare click the link above... be prepared... there is a link that will insult most christians...

but anyways... Today is also the first day of Hanukkah... you are in our thoughts Melinda...

Roadblocks on my road to recovery...

Just when I think I am making progress, and I have nerves that are waking up after months of being dormant... I get pain that my surgeon insists is not related to the surgery... So, after a year of dealing with the back, I still have issues with an appendicitis like pain that had me rushed to the ER in October 2007 ... the only problem is that with the nerve damage to the back, I haven't been able to feel that pain which apparently has been happening since October 2007 and apparently it is the female plumbing...

So, as kahuna had his ultrasound last week, I had one yesterday... Now i have to go for a cat scan of my uterus... What holiday spirit i had is slowly being extinguished by this suck ass reality...

A Moment Of Silence...

Majel Barrett Roddenberry died today...

http://www.trektoday.com/news/181208_01.shtml

I just feel stunned ... and caught like someone punched me in the gut unprepared... woah..

What to do...

Apparently CJ is having issues Santa... He thinks he gets a better deal from the easter bunny... Toys n candy with no strings attached...

jammin to the tunes

50 days and counting...

to the new season of Heroes... it beats waiting a year and a half like we did for battlestar, but thankfully that wait is soon over... there were many interesting plot twists to this "chapter's " cliff-hanger... I did have a feeling that peter would get his powers back, but I don't think that we have seen the last of peter's father or syler... they both have clair's healing power... and OMG, was that MICHAEL DORN as the President of the USA that nathan was rattin out people with powers to... what is going to happen when the worf finds out that he can fly... heroes concentration camps... this is going to be interesting... i know the company had ways of containing people with powers using people with powers and drugs... but the it will be interesting to see how they write the government into this plot line...

heroes theories welcome....

dr who christmas special spoilers welcome...

battlestar theories... welcome...

star trek new movie time line debate... bring it!!!

yeah... i know it is blurry....but deal...

Yeah, it has been a while since I posted, but trust me, I needed some time to calm down... I was flinging threats left and right, but my wonderful husband has shown me that my fury can be put to more constructive and creative means and the wonderful Jackie Gleason's character, sheriff justice of the smokey and the bandit movie fame calming "Ahouuuuummmmmm!!!" when you are contemplating homicidal tendencies actually works and has a comedic factor ta boot...

Anyways, to change the subject, isn't the blurry photo above just the cutest Christmas pic ever... Here I thought Charles would be putting up a fight with Santa, but they got along just wonderfully... My boy is a natural... Sorry, they came to late to go in the cards... but if you must have one, I am taking requests...

I continue my struggles with the causers of my stress leading to mental instability, and I am working on it... If it continues much longer... I may have to consider chemical intervention... the psychiatricly prescribed kind...

Anger...

in its purest uncorrupted form can be inspired by individuals so far away...

I cannot post today... and will not post for a while... it is probably best that I don't... I need time to calm down...

3X3

It is official... Hell has frozen over... It is SNOWING in New Orleans...

Snow?!? HERE?!?!?

things that make you go hmmmmm....

(stolen from Rick's myspace Page)

Your results:
You are Superman

Superman 95% Hulk 95% Iron Man 95% Spider-Man 85% Green Lantern 85% Catwoman 85% Batman 80% Supergirl 80% Wonder Woman 80% The Flash 75% Robin 60%

You are mild-mannered, good, strong and you love to help others. ok... I think that this quiz is flawed.... cause if I am superman... I wear a push up bra?!?!? The first female on the list is catwoman... and I am allergic to cats... so that would be the death of me... hmmmm I guess the quiz takers just didn't fathom a person like me when they made this test.... I am that square peg that fits in no one's round hole... at least not a super hero's... perhapse... I am a super villan... hense the Sinister_n_evil thing I have going....LOL...

Be careful what you wish for...

What is this... a white elephant you say... yes.... well... there is a story behind this photo... see.... kahunah and I were determined to escape the confines of our home and get into the Christmas spirit... and we were determined to find the White Elephant of Christmas Decorated houses.... the CLARK GRISWALD POWER PLANT NIGHTMARE.... when we turned the corner and there was a WHITE ELEPHANT... I told him if he started chanting naked hooters girls running through the streets I was going to punch him... He then referred the the over the top house as a White Whale of houses... I said if we ran into one of those we were going home or i would start chanting Power Ball Winning Ticket...

Seriously... who thinks white elephant in a Christmas cap for Christmas as a lawn decoration... apparently these people baught it...

An interesting morning...

We got to sleep in to our surprise... well, getting woken up to my "take your medicine" alarm is better than "wake up and take your kids to school" alarm.... any day... Kahuna and I were just bantering about what today's events should include when we heard the chatter of our little escape artist down the hall... and we both agreed that we should check on him before he turn Magiver on us and combined the contense of his diaper with the leftovers in his juice bottle to make C4 to blow the child gate in another attempt to escape his bedroom...

so Kahuna went to check on our little man... and I hear from down the hall the unmistakable sound of "Elmo in Grouchland" - The Movie.... and no Kahuna in site... I continue waiting and a significant portion of the film is underway... I have come to the conclusion that Kahuna been taken hostage by the munchkin... So, I go to check on my boys...and to my surprise Kahuna has lost himself in this movie ... when I get there... Kahuna turns to me in amazement and says... "They showed the inside of Oscar's Trash Can..." with the blank stare of a five year old's innocence... it was too precious... I just cuddled in the lower bunk and finished watching the movie with them...

I remember getting the movie for CJ... and it helped alot during Katrina... after watching that... he didn't ask so many questions about the trash piles... he just thought it was grouchland... Kudos to Sesame Street!

House-Wrecks...

Well, I have started decorating for Yule, and I am impressed I actually got the entire tree up with only one pain killer and no intervention of medical personnel. I may have to use the tazer on Kahunah if he keeps telling me that it needs more ornaments or more anything... I know I need more Merlot as I have none in my system yet... at least I got a WOW! out of the 6 year old when he came home... I think I need a healthy dose of Rock Band tonight...

Which creature of the night are you? Your Result: Vampire You are a social pragmatist, as likely to kiss as to bite. Your sensuality and social pragmatism is the counter-balance to your existential angst and your tendency toward depression.
Sorceror
Incubus/Succubus
Cthulu Spawn
Werewolf
Demon
Ghost
Which creature of the night are you? Quiz Created on GoToQuiz

Katrina ... on my mind...

I can't help it... but Katrina's been on my mind a lot lately. Primarily because my mom is going through lots of stuff that was salvaged from my grandmother's attic that survived the storm. Ducky is helping go through vital documents so we don't throw away anything that is important to the family tree cause mine is rather complex... (that is another blog for another day...)

but then I get an e-mail from my sci-fi club... and there is this guy that just posts unrelated garbage to the site that I normally just delete... but, for the heck of it... today... I just looked at it... I don't know why... but I sat threw the whole thing... and was in tears before I it was barely underway....

THE video that every mayor and president should watch before taking office and could have changed how Katrina was handled...

If you can sit through it... you will understand... if you lived here (in New Orleans) before Katrina.... you will understand.... if you have come to see, rebuild, or say good bye after Katrina... you will understand... If it brings you to tears too.... I understand...

Happy Gas...

Rob having fun before they take his wisdom tooth...

A new day...

Well, I am off to a new start... and this is what I have learned....

* I have to wake up a half hour earlier than I want to function in order to take the pain pill so it can take effect in order to stretch out so I can start my day...

* It is easier to dress number one son first than number two son in the mornings...

* Kahuna is harder to get out of bed than number one or number two sons...

* I can effectively walk without my cane for a number of blocks...

* My membership to the YMCA goes active again this month and they offer chair exercises that I can participate in including yoga...

* Kahuna admitted that regardless of his input that I would be dragging his butt with me to the 'Y' whether he liked it or not...

* Number two son is smarter than I give him credit .... after cleaning out and rearranging his and bedroom putting the end table that pinned him to the floor in his closet... the little brain-i-ack turns over the laundry basket using it as a stool to climb over the child gate in the middle of the night.... so, again, I hear a thud followed by crying.... (note to self... no sturdy containers of any type to be left in child's room and Find a taller child gate... )

* Kitchen and Laundry are slowly coming under control again.... living room soon to be back to my standards by the end of the week... the goal is to have christmas decorations up and take christmas card photo of kids so kahunah can work his photo shop magic....

Still on the to do list for today....

Baby's R Us - for more child proofing stuff...
Home Depot - for an extension cord gadget...
Dentist appointment - for Rob...
and other random errands....

things are looking up...

December is off to a lousy start...

Well, Charles is determined to kill his parents.... well, maybe not straight out kill, but slowly torture us to death... when he came home from school, he was in to any and everything and it took every ounce of energy that Kahuna and I had just to keep up with the little munchkin... he has found every thing that was not child proofed in the house and made a point to show it to us that we missed it... and he has also decided to become an armature interior decorator my moving our furniture .... he maneuvers his way behind our end tables and just pushes them around the living room like they were walkers... and he also does this with the kitchen chairs... all of these are new habits that he acquired during his two week stay with bio dad during my recovery from surgery...

We also had an end table next to the bed in Charles' bedroom right by the light swith between the bed and the door next to the child gate... well, we eventually had to get a childproof switch for the light because Charles liked turning the light on and off creating the disco effect for his brother making it difficult to sleep ... well shortly after we childproofed the switch... Charles learned how to climb over the child gate and escape from the room... so, we had to move the end table across the room next to the door to what we refer to as the 'toy' room... now... the toy room is this walled off area in his bedroom isn't quite the toy room yet because we have been babysitting snakes for our friends until they could find a new foster family for them.... well, Charles finally figured out how to get into this room... so we blocked the door with the end table... (i know why your wondering why i am telling all of this back story.... but it comes to a head right here)

I am heading upstairs to go to bed last night when i hear a thud and Charles screaming..... not a cry like i am hurt.... the terror screaming that makes a mother's heart stop cold... drop everything i am holding and open the door to the bedroom and see my child pinned to the floor by this end table.... (thoughts of not lifting crap leave my head entirely... only thought in head ...RESCUE MY CHILD!!!) I start lifting this end table off of my son and his foot is jammed in between the drawers and CJ is just sitting there... i tell him get help.... i am just screaming... Rob is yelling what is wrong... I yell help... Rob finally runs in... I finally get Charles free.... Charles.... Crawls to Rob.... I sit on the floor in pain...

Charles gathers himself... walks over to me (I am in tears) hugs me and pats me on the back... I hug him back... and we just sit there for a long while...

I am back on the pain killers and doing lots of stretching this morning and today... using my muscle relaxers.... i figure there is nothing like starting my own physical therapy early... I own my own tens unit... so figure i will jolt my self up with some voltage....

my only guess is that he opened the drawers and tried to use them as stairs and the end table toppled over on him.... I don't know if he learned his lesson from it... we turned the table around so he couldn't open the drawers... I can't be there every second of every day... and i can't whisk him away at a moment's notice from every harm... I wish I could, but I can't ... and that is sooo hard to live with during this recovery... i think that is the hardest thing for me right now... i can deal with the financial... i can deal with coitus interruptus... ... but not being able to help my kids when they need it... tears me up inside... Physical Therapy Starts Today!!!

Well... I can't stop now...

With NaBloPoMo over.... and I successfully posting daily despite surgery and other obstacles of life, I have gotten in the habit of just unloading on line...

Today, was an okay day... I did just enough not to be disappointed in myself for accomplishing nothing... I am still recovering from exhaustion as Charles insists on partying with Elmo all night long... I am hoping that he sleeps early and all night long tonight...

Rob is doing a wonderful job of distracting the kids while i unwind watching the birdcage... it is comforting to see other diffusional families even if they are fiction... it is still funny...

then later is chuck and hero's...

yay!

Welcoming an end to one hell of a month...

This month has been one hell of a roller coaster ride... from the budgeting crisis of Kahunah's layoff, my back surgery, the cancellation of Fry-day, and my inability to make Ren Fest, to the harsh reality that I can't count on my family for shit... this month can't end fast enough...

It even has me considering moving out of state... I am considering asking anyone if they are interested in serving Punt with child support papers... He is running to Lafayette again this week, so chances are that his dad, won't serve him for our next court date which happens to fall on my birthday... I just hope next year is better than this one... I will close this NaBloPoMo with a final question that I was saving from my friend Stacy...

"Where is the strangest place you have ever changed your clothes?"

Well, that would have to be in a movie theatre, in front of the audience, during the movie while preforming in the cast of The Rocky Horror Picture Show... I have also changed clothes by the concession stand and outside of the theatre in the parking lot too... then there was that time that I changed my outfit in the dealers room at a con ... but, I guess being used to quick changes... it is second nature... and i don't really think about it... rob still wonders how i pull my switcher-roos ... oh and in case you are wondering.... i have played just about every character in rocky... including Frank... ;-)

How would you prefer to die? (Question submitted by Brouhaha)

Thanks Brouhaha,

It actually took me this long to contemplate a way to put this into words...

this may be a little TMI for a lot of folks so you may want to skip all the way to the end...

Growing up my mom was suicidal... I remember her attempting three times, and I took it hard. As a kid, it makes you wonder how terrible of a kid you must be for your mom to want out of the world like that... so, I made a promise to myself that I would never ever do something like that at any cost... there is nothing in this world that could possibly drive me to those ends... I am a strong individual and I can cope with anything... that was after her first attempt that i remember around the 8th grade... then she got out of the hospital... and my brother and her got into a big fight and they both admitted to being molested... as kids... it ripped the family apart... and my brother was suicidal... spent some time at New Orleans Adolescent Hospital... (oh great... does this thing run in the family)... he gets out and copes with drugs and alcohol... mom copes by letting him do whatever he wants... he starts doing time for attempted 1st degree murder... and drug charges... finally gets a 5 year sentence for drugs.... in the mean time... i have gotten married... gone back to school... mom has had her second attempt... and i am scared to live with her cause during that attempt she tried to shoot my dad with a revolver... and my brother held my dad at gun point till he dropped the gun he wrestled out of my mom's hands... I think that was back in 91 now skip forward to 2003 ... i am divorced... when Katrina hit I am with a two year old and a three week old with down syndrome... my dad is trapped in the house... my mom is sitting on the 610 at Elysian Fields with my sisiter in law and my two neices and I am with a man that abuses me... my three week old is on a heart monitor, has a fever, two holes in his heart, and I only have three weeks of maternity leave left and work is calling expecting me to go back to clean up the coffee plant...while i am trying to get my son admitted to a hospital in lafayette as every thing that I own is under 5 feet of water and I don't know if my family is going to make the week... The months that followed were the worst emotionally of my life...

When I did go back to work....there were no running water... they stole my katrina trailer for the the work site and told me that my family couldn't live in it... and there was no communication with the rest of the world... for the first time in my life, I thought about jumping off a silo, I started crying and couldn't stop... I remembered how I felt when my mom was in that hospital... and I called the help line cause I couldn't do that to my kids...

SO, to answer your question... How do I want to die.... by my own terms... where no one feels guilty or at fault... where no one grieves my loss... I know I will be missed, but I don't want to feel pain, and I don't want it to be prolonged.... I don't want a slow terminal illness to take me out... It has to be fast .... and if it is in an electric chair... I want to throw the switch... If it is by lethal injection... give me the damn Siana tablet...

Sinister's turn at the TMI folks....

Before I went by Silverfox, I went by Sinister just in case yall didn't know and that is because I fully believed and carried out retribution for acts against me.... but, now that Rob is in my life, I have to admit that he as learned to tame this WILD Beast inside into a semi domesticated fox...

Well, lets get to that post, shall we... you do recall three weeks ago when Kahuna was so disappointed when he was tag teamed by short stuff's head but to his sore wisdom tooth and lil bit's simplex to the groin which spoiled his final night before the dreaded three weeks of cold showers he had to look forward to.... well, last night ended those three weeks...

We had everything worked out... the kids were going with their bio grand parents for the weekends. Fry Day had been canceled so there was nothing else to do. We weren't even going to do the Ren Fair... but, not all things go down as planned in the Kahuna Household.... WE had an unexpected visitor.... Aunt Flo...

and my husband can't even put on a band aid to cover his own flesh wound... so, we are as they say 'screwed' for another week...

ya gotta love irony...

If only walls could talk.....

The walls of my mother's house would have tales to tell.... OK... I did a no-n0... in order to cope with the dysfunctional turkey day festivities, I made myself an amaretto sour... and Rob forced the family to sit at the table and eat together.... my brother was there for all of two seconds then disappeared... I was relieved... some time during the evening there was an episode where we threatened to shank one another... thank the gods mom wasn't there... she called me later that night to thank me for being on my best behavior... if she only knew the stuff I was muttering under my breath that she couldn't hear but rob could...

after everything was said and done, rob and I went to a friend's house to sit and vent... there we got to unwind, and share family dysfunction and realize that all families have their own stories.... each must cope in their own special way.... I think next year... it is time to start our own family tradition.... screw the extended dysfunctional stuff... I am done with it...

now it is time to brave the shoppers and see if there is anything left in stores during the recession...

Dysfunctional Turkey Day at DOA's In-Law's...

Unfortunately, I decided to subject my husband to this because he refused to let me cook with the valid excuse of my recent back surgery not allowing me to lift any turkey or other dish over 8 lbs.  So, here we are... there is no formal seating.... no gathering of family members around a table to say grace... 

Just, as you arrive, you grab a plate, serve yourself, and  go your merry way... the kids amuse themselves... we read newspapers, watch TV... spark the occasional argument, and say hello to the occasional unannounced or expected visitor... 

My mom cooks.... always... when I lived here and my dad was alive... we always helped... and we made sure that mom always got to sleep by at least one am... but now that my brother has claimed the role of assumed the role of taking care of my mother, things have changed.... She did it all by herself...and was up all night... I got here at 11am and she was exhausted.... the more I look at him the more and more i see him neglecting my mother and the more i am hating him...

I didn't sit here to blog about this... my intentions were to talk about to make fun of my name.... we were babbling about my new married name Cerio... and my niece said it sounded like serial as in killer... and i laughed... I said that i should have expected my last married name and hyphenated it cheri serial-slaughter... that would really have scared the straights.... 

Multimedia message

Still coming down...

Discoveries of the Past...

It is comforting to find things that Katrina didn't take from me and even more rewarding when a friend rescues from a pile of trash that my mother planned to throw in a trash heap to be taken away to a city land fill something so beautiful that I have chosen to re-type word for word something that was so beautifuly written back in May of 1973 that it brought tears to my eyes. This work was was written for my grandmother. She inspired a woman to write these wonderful words about her... I guess that is enough of a forward... I present to you....

THE ESSENCE OF CHARM

WRITTEN FOR

'EVE BLANDIN DE LAY'

MAY 1973

Charm is the ultimate force, the supreme weapon against which there there are few defenses. If you've got it, you need neither money or power. It is a gift, given only to give away and the more used the more there is. Charm is a climate of behavior set for perpetual summer and controlled thermostatically by taste and tact.
Charm is an aura, it is invisible; if you see it working, the spell is broken. Charm is dynamic and cannot be turned on and off at will. As to its ingredients, there is no fixed formula. A whole range of mysteries into the cauldron, but the magic it offers must be absolute - one cannot be 'almost' or 'partly' charming.
Charm is a light in the face, a twinkle in the eye. a certain jauntiness in step, an air of exclusive welcome, an almost impossible sustained note of satisfaction in one's company, and regret without fuss at parting. Someone with charm finds no one dull; in deed in her presence we become the person we most want to be. Charm is the voice and eyes. Charm turns the lightest words to pure gold, charm is like the flower in the desert, when there is nobody there to see it.
Charm spreads that particular glow of well-being ; of a calm and pacifying presence, which can dispel a moment of frustration and anger and restore what might otherwise be lost. Charm is an originality of touch you have to be born with .
Or is it something that grows naturally out of another quality like the simple desire to make people to make people happy.
Certainly charm is not a question of learning tricks like wrinkling your nose, or having a laugh in your voice. It is built-in awareness of others. Charm is sensitivity, and power to please, generosity which makes no demands. Charm spends itself willingly on young and old alike. It reveals itself in a sense of ease, in casual but perfect manners.
Charm in the end is a most potent act of behavior, the laying down of a carpet by one person for another to give his existence a moment of honor. It is close to love in that it moves without force, bearing gifts like the growth of daylight.
Charm is an enchanted dart, as subtle as a hummingbird. In essence, charm is 'EVE BLANDIN DE LAY'.
WRITTEN BY
MARIE M. CARTER
MAY 1973

I owe Ducky for saving this from the city land fill.... my grandmother was my mentor in life... hers was the voice on the EVP that we picked up that made me break down... but she was they type of woman that just inspired people ... and this is a prime example .... I just had to share...

THANKS DUCK MAN.... I OWE YOU ONE!!!

FEELIN BETTER...

I got me some sugar from my boy who is doing uber better!

DADDY OF THE YEAR IN THE ER!!!

Daddy of the year!

ANOTHER HOLIDAY SEASON IN THE HOSPITAL... WTF!?!?!

Never a boring moment... After rob took this shot of us with our little one in the ER... Charles slipped to the floor to make a break for freedom... I would so rather be good watching Heroes right now...

Well, Back to my NaBloPoMo to do list...

I have some unanswered questions that I have been saving for times when pressed for stuff to write about, and this happens to be one of those times.... I have an appointment later today, so you can thank my buddy Dave for this one...

Can you describe the Positive impact of Role Playing Games...

Definitely.. I have had my share of Therapy... and lord knows I needed some in my day... between the grief and abuse counseling I endured learning to cope, Role Playing was a big part of that... and Role Playing is an effective coping mechanism for dealing with all kinds of issues from anxiety, stress, to social disorders and shyness.

Admittedly, I was VERY shy in high school. I went to an ultra private grammar school (6) kids in the 8Th grade and 13 kid in the whole school, so dealing with people had to be a learned skill for me. High School was very difficult for me and I associated with smaller groups and I was more comfortable with the "abnormal crowd" because I considered myself not normal. It wasn't until I discovered Rocky Horror that my life changed... I started with the audience participation and then began cast work eventually recruiting and directing a cast of my own... I eventually began entering the gaming crowd which was just like the acting of rocky horror... but it was improvisational... and more quick thinking on your feet... it was live action vampire... and we met once or twice a week for a couple of hours at a bar... and it was the best thrill of my life... for a few hours a day... I didn't have to be me... I could pretend I was some one else... different accent, try a different attitude, and test how people reacted to how this new person treated them... I could be a bitch, I could be condescending, I could be obnoxious, and they didn't yell at me... they didn't hit me... I could stand up for myself and be assertive and it was OK... I learned how to initiate conversations and make small talk... It was the best therapy in the world for a shy person... but as with all circles, it takes a person of strong will to stick to their moral codes to do what they know what is right... there are always the stories of people who take things too far... so if you have any psychosis... it is not recommended if you have difficulty distinguishing between reality and fantasy... but there are role playing games for all interests... medieval/fantasy, vampires, werewolves, star wars, star trek, cyberpunk, toons, James Bond, Superheros...

Despite their negative press... there are more benefits that therapists use in therapy.... how many times have you been asked.... if you were in a situation.... what would you do.... that my friend is role playing....

Faced with Reality...

Moments like this make of realize that New Orleans is not recovering the way it was expected to... And now with the recession looming like the grim reaper ready to pounce... I am loosing hope for recovery in the city that I love. My family's roots are firmly planted here. Our family's tomb is in St. Louis #2... My Grandfather taught at Xavier... And my family tree is riddled with bits of city and community culture that bridges gaps of race, gender, class, and education. To see an Egret hanging outside on the front lawn of the house that my brother is working on just reminds me that we live in swamp land that Katrina reclaimed and there is some nameless monster storm in the future waiting for its opportunity to do the same. How many lives will it take? Who's sanity will it destroy? Who will invest in a city after another direct hit when mother nature demands that she wants it for her own...
I love my home... I don't want to leave... But as a mother, is it fair to put my kids through this? Is it any different from tornadoes, earthquakes, forest fires, blizzards, or any other natural disaster?...
It is simply a choice I don't want to make or even consider... I just panic at every storm that enters gulf and hold my breath till it is over... It feels like I have become an experienced victim of the abuse the storm brings and I have no choice but to take it. Maybe I should seek counseling on this one?

go figure... too little too late...

it isn't a secret that I have been dropping the pounds like gangbusters since gustov... and I was quite the upset woman when I couldn't fit in two pre ordered wedding dresses less than a month before the wedding... well, since the pain killers and muscle relaxers are doing the jobs that they are suppose to be doing... I woke up and said why the hell not...

I tried both dresses on and they fit like a glove... (dress1, dress2)

Go figure that it is too fricken cold to wear clothes like this NOW... why does my life have to be so damn complex..... I wonder if i can incorporate these things into a sci fi costume for a convention...hmmmm

oh yeah... loss to date.. 28 lbs and counting... at this rate, i will be at my pre prego weight before charles in no time... pre prego for cj may take a little longer....

Update on the Post Trama due to yesterday's TORTURE!!!...

Remember the fishing hooks being ripped out of my back... well, since I endured so much pain, and had no pain pills, and the surgeon wouldn't return my calls... the incompetent doctor that put me through the year of shots and nerve blocks without looking at my MRI to tell that they would do no good, told me to go to the emergency room... Of course, I don't have emergency room money ($100 copay)... remember.... no unemployment thanks to us being honest people...

so we went to Urgent care.... where they shot me up with Demerol and pretty much told me I was going into shock... even today, the 28 holes in my back still burn... I went to my primary, and he confirmed that the doctor lied to me that HELL yes... staples coming out of a nerve center of my back like that was going to hurt.... Had I know that, My CHILD WOULD NOT HAVE BEEN WITH ME!!! I think that is what upsets me most.... I don't want him to fear the doctor's office... but hell, I am starting to fear incompetent doctors... Anybody out there know a good ambulance chaser.... I am sure in the mood to sick one after these bastards after my year of misery... all they have done is drain my insurance company... and me... financially and emotionally...

My primary gave me antibiotics to prevent infection... he said as long as i am in pain, my immunity is down... and let me tell ya... I am in lots of pain... the good news is that i am no longer on the morphine... so come hell or high water... I AM HAVING A BEER TONIGHT!!! (before i start the antibiotics) ;-)

Death to Doctors that LIE

I am choosing this photo because of its relevance to death... And how i wish it upon all bold face liars... I understand little lies like yes there is a Santa clause... But Doctors, MEDICAL PROFESSIONALS, are not supposed to lie! If a procedure is going to hurt tell me so i can prepare myself instead of ripping 14 staples out of my back that felt like 24 fishing hooks being ripped out 2 at a time.... I would not have let my six year old stay in the room as they tortured the crap out of me to the point of screams and tears... To top it off... Fucking cunt doctor wrote my pain pill script wrong and the pharmacy wont fill it... So... Just let me recover and lock me in a room with this bitch so i can teach her a thing or two about lies... And she will truly see the world in a different light...

Again... another WestBank Station...

I am getting jealous... but I am hoping that this is a sign of things to come... at least on my side of the river...

Rollem Back Rollem Back WAAAY BACK!

WOW! They continue to drop on the west bank as I still pay 1.80 in kenner.... what is up with this?

How Lazy Can You Get!

The photo of triflin neighbor would be the one that lives next to me in the dictionary... See this phone book... It was delivered two weeks ago... I even blocked his door with it... And he just steps over it daily... If if doesn't want the damn thing... He could bring it to the dumpster to throw it away... I swear...

Rolling Rolling Rolling... keep those gas prices rolling...

WOW! This was on the west bank off of the express way...

Morning Discussions...

Rob: Cheri, we are leaving for school. CJ, get your jacket and put it on.

CJ: I don't have to wear my jacket. The president says that I have a choice.

Rob: Not in this house buddy. You get that darn jacket and you better wear it. It is cold. And you better wear your little shoes too.

CJ: *Sulks*

Rob: (to Cheri coming downstairs) Do you know what your son just told me? That he doesn't have to wear a jacket cause the president gives him that choice. (mommy chuckles)

Cheri: Mommy would be much happier if her son grew up to be a warm voter instead of a sick one. Give mommy a hug... (mommy hugs CJ) (Rob Still RANTING)...

I guess he never watched that show kids say the darnedest things.... but in the end... mommy is happy cj is wearing the jacket... and shoes... rob is still stunned that cj knows his rights... and mommy saves the day...

did i mention i still hate sitting on staples... i get them out tomorrow at 4 pm... i have been off morphine for 48 hours... and i think i am going to celebrate...

Insomnia Sucks...

OK... those forbidden dreams that you can't do anything about are starting and yes, I am frustrated. Needless to say, I have been up since 4:30AM and a cold shower is out of the question cause it is too damn cold outside even for my warm blooded self to endure with the heater blasting away...

I did get on line and did a little more Christmas shopping, but I can't help but feel abandoned by old friends. The ones that I had with the previous men in my life... text messages go ignored and so do e-mails... I know that they have lives, but a simple reply text 'k' or 'l8tr' apparently is too much...

then there is this thing with CJ and trying to arrange play dates... nobody returns my calls... My son feels he has not a friend in the world and it breaks my heart... he had quit karate, and hasn't shown much interest in sports... and i am in no condition to take him to the park... rob is taking the role of home maker so that leaves my son with me as a play mate and a computer... and I don't want him to grow up to be some loner psycho who hates the world... his teacher pointed out that he has no patience to help a slower student in class who needs help learning and would rather work by himself cause he can do it faster and be done with it.... so i have raised a nerd snob...yeah go me... but then, i am not the most patient individual in the world either...it takes less time for me to do it right than to explain how to do it...

i think it is time to introduce CJ to role playing games... that way he can get out of himself and into a different reality for a bit...he is already a avid reader and devourers books... so maybe this is a step in the right direction for a six year old... I just hope he learns patience to deal with Charles...

now my issues with Christmas... that secret Santa crap... everybody is getting something... so i don't even know why i took a name.... i guess the person that got the name gets two presents or just something extra special... i don't know... the budget is suffering HARD.... well, make that SUPER HARD... I normally get something for myself since my family normally neglects me EVERY year.... and I don't see that changing any time in the near future... I had my eye on this hot little number for the Renaissance fest, but i am sacrificing for the sake of the season... I also refuse to get an IPhone until you can send photos and videos via text messages... sorry, it is a personal thing... so if rob even mentions it... shoot him...

Things are beginning to look up on the child support frontier... and I will keep you informed...well... i am going to peruse the net... ttfn...

For the Star Wars Fans out there....

Thanks Nagle...

VOCAL Star Wars Appreciation

In the Sharing Spirit of the Season...

Watchman Trailer

Harry Potter Trailer

First Two Min. of Dr. Who Christmas Special

Star Trek Trailers

The Day the Earth Stood Still

I stole these from my friend who I won't even name cause I am not even invited to her wedding... (so I guess she isn't much of a friend... oh well...)

Special Early Christmas Gift for the Doctor Who Fans Out There

And an Added BONUS... the Trailer to the next POTTER FILM...

(snark... thanks karen... I know the bash you are throwing is costing a fortune... no hard feelings...)

Much Improved....

OK.... after some much needed me time and some CJ time.... things took a turn for the better... I worked with CJ on his letter to Santa after he finished his homework, and I also turned off my cell phone because my relations with my mother have been strained... apparently, this ghost hunting stuff is stirring up a lot of old emotional garbage that I wasn't mentally prepared to deal with and the EVP evidence isn't really helping matters...

I am getting better... and my family is helping... in fact, I burst into laughter as CJ was clucking the theme to robot chicken's star wars special that we watched as a family tonight... so yes... I love my geek family and my geek son...

GEEK POWER!!!

I am having a really bad day...

To keep it short and sweet... I had a fight with my husband... I have also been sworn to secrecy about news that he would rather post on his blog instead of me releasing a news release on mine...

We also began reviewing the EVP tapes and have a faint voice responding to one of my questions that brought a tear to my eye...

Overall, I pretty much have spent today in tears and I am not sure if it was worth getting out of bed this morning...

I am going to go hide from the world for a while...

I know I promiced a report on yesterday's events ....

But, today has just been catching up with the rest of life.... I am sure that we will get to review all the results during the week... but we do have a butt load of doctor's appointments this week, and Rob is busy getting the laundry together for CJ to go to school this week. I am not thrilled about the abrupt temperature change with my aching bones... and I think that these pain killers are affecting my personality and temperament as a person... Either that or I am just getting down right bitchy in my old age...

Last week there was the incident with the Public Works Contractor that I caught Peeing behind my dumpster that I reported on my private Myspace blog... and then today, I was ready to jump down my waitress' throat.... but my reasoning was justified... Allow me to explain....

McAllister's makes you go to a counter to place your order and you get a number where some server who has never seen your face before delivers your food.... well, we are waiting forever for our simple order and the 'server' delivers our order.... and proceeds to tell me that I ordered soup as a side and not the Mac n Cheese... I was about to tear the B!tchs head off explaining to her that she wasn't the F-ing cashier... How in the hell did she know what the hell I said ... was she a damn Psychic... I hadn't caught her on Montell or any other two bit talk show... but thankfully Rob grabbed my hand before I began cussing... I tell you this... I sure as hell didn't bus my table as I Pre-tipped on the damn ticket at the fricken register... I am sooo hatin on people lately... they just keep gettin under my skin... what in the hell is it... i am hopin it is the drugs... cause if it is hormonal... i sure as hell can't live with my self during menopause...

Sorry this has to be short and sweet....

Today was an eventful day...

We formed our own Paranormal Society, Conducted a seance, and investigated our first haunted property and I am emotionally beat. That doesn't include the physical and mental exhaustion of training and the beating that my staples took trying to get out of the car this evening in the cold weather... so, stay tuned to tomorrow's post... I am sure there will be lots of interesting stuff to report...

Update on the condition ... a little TMI but all is good...

UPDATE: Cheri is okay... Apparently a hematoma had formed to protect the healing area and this morning decided to rupture... After getting to the doctor's office, she pulled an additional 90 ml off of my back... But i can say that walking is less painfull now... That is for sure...

Calling 911... moment of crisis here....

... At some point this morning... Someone decided to use my back for target practice... (or at least that is what i am calling it)... After rob left to bring cj to school, my staples started spewing a watery blood stuff as my leg tingled... So, let me say it now... I am sacred something is going wrong... The doctor is coming in early to see me which just makes the feeling worse... I don't want to get opened up again... I don't want to relive last week again... GODDESS HELP ME... PLEASE!

Edited to add for the sake of my MAN...

This was my dad... But the new man in wy life is proving that not all men are cut from the same mold... He is proving that I can count on him in think and thin, SICKNESS and health and richer and POORER... lol....

The next on My NaBloPoMo to do list...(another Stacy Question)

The topic to tackle today is what is the best thing that I ever learned from my father?

Quite the touchy subject but considering my current state of pain mends and muscle relaxers, my tounge is loose enough to tackle the topic. Don't get me wrong, I do/did love my father. But the one thing that I learned from him first hand was that I cannot depend on any man for anything in life. He put himself first in everything. He was an only child and never learned the concept of family or sharing. He horded everything and was very selfish. Even though I was his little girl, I was never raised as such. I learned how to change brakes before my 5th birthday, and recall operating a drill press at 7. I did get to travel the country as he was a truck driver and could easily hide in his cab... he was Captain Hook and I was his Tinkerbell... Mom was Tiger Lilly and my brother was Peter Pan... but, I always felt like I was missing out... Yeah, my grandparents tried to make up for it by doing the piano lessons, but it only made my brother bitter and think of me as the favored grandchild... which continues to strain sibling relations... but, my dad really was my role model for any of my relationships that I entered into later in life... and it didn't help that my mom reinforced it too... I have always been one to handle myself... and hate depending on others... this recovering from surgery is killing me... I broke down and swept the condo today... and i am ready to start folding the laundry....

btw... the ghost expo has to be this weekend...

The TMI Constipation Post (thanks Stacy)

Well apparently i cant post from my phone without attaching a photo... So here is an old favorite from the family album that relates to today's question... What do i eat when i get constapated? (thanks Stacy)
well, i love fruits and vegetables but with the meds i am on... It happens... My last bout was a week without a stool... But i am a special case... I will get in into that later... My preferred choice is the activia yogurt with a trail mix cerial. My therapist gave me an asian laxative that i haven't had the guts to try yet... But i haven't pooped sinse before the surgery, so i an thinking about it...
now, when i said i wasn't normal, i meant it. I am a gastric bypass survivor. Back in december of 2000, i weighed 300 lbs was boardline diabetic, declared infertile, and willing to put my life on the line to change my miserable lifestyle. Because of that surgery... I have a self inflicted miserable diarea alternative that is called the dumping syndrome... NOT PLEASANT AND EXPLOSIVE DIAREA FOLLOWED BY COLD SWEATS AND SHAKES...
I avoid it at all costs... So i am taking an otc stool softener instead...
so... That is my story and i am sticking to it...

Best Book that I can Recommend to others... (Thanks Dave)

Well Ladies and Gents,

I am out of bed and mobile... the doc adjusted my pain meds and I am doing UBER better... My staples are dry and I get them out in two weeks. My wonderful husband has been doing a fantastic job of taking care of me... my marvelous six year old slept in my closet cause he wanted to be by my side in case I needed him his first night home. He has been a fantastic little helper since he has been home... and to my surprise Punt has been a great help too... He even brought Pint size over to visit last night. Little Man even gave me a big hug and kiss... and just patted me... he didn't jump on me or anything... it was like he knew I was in pain... My little angel...

Anyway... back to my challenge... I actually have a to do list for NaBloPoMo... and the title of today's post reveals which one I am tackling today...

The best book that I can recommend to others is
The Four Agreements: A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom, A Toltec Wisdom Book (Hardcover)by Don Miguel Ruiz (Author)
http://www.amazon.com/Four-Agreements-Practical-Personal-Freedom/dp/1878424505/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1226421886&sr=1-1

There was a time in my life when I did a lot of self help reading, and I found this a very enlightening and easy read. This book didn't preach at you. It is more of a book that said here is a guide you should live your life by... don't preach to others, set an example by doing... and there are only four simple rules to follow. Not only that, these rules are based on Ancient Native American traditions, so there is no born again, or some other church knocking at your door asking for a tithe so some bishop or pope can have another gold lined cloak... It is a genuine feel good book to teach people how to genuinely do good to one another... and even people who don't read (oh the horror) can get through the brevity of it... it makes a fantastic gift too...also available in paperback... and expansions are also available since I read the first one long ago... coincidentally, I was going through my divorce when I first found it...

Multimedia message

From the most awesomest people on the planet... Stacy, Drew, and Ace... This beautiful arrangement brought a smile to my face and a tear to my eye... Thank you so much! <sending u a big cyber hug>

Helping those during NaBloPoMo (meme stolen from BrouHaHa)

I helped some friends who asked for subject matter to get them through NaBloPoMo. This posting is for anyone who would like to challenge me, even though I am not participating in NaBloPoMo, I still like some friendly competition. So in the remarks, send me three ideas for blog posts (CK can send me ten). The deal is, if you send me three, I can send you three. If I use the ones you submit, then you use the ones I submit. You can write as much or as little as you feel like on each topic. Be creative with your topics. Let the war of words begin!

{seeing that this is my first day behind the keyboard post-op I am feeling really light headed and won't be here for long... so this is what you get...}

TMI to smare most of the gore...

Rob got to take a picture of my incision and it looks like a zipper... {i think it is a little tmi to post here} but i an thinking it will make for a great tatoo. So instead i give you some fake gore i created for Ringo's costume at my Halloween / Samhain party... So, yes, i have the mad special F-X skills... Anyways... Progress update on my recovery... I an still stuckin bed... All blog updates are coming from my phone... I can feel parts of my leg and foot that i have not felt for months... And for the first time today i was able to lift my leg without assistance... YAY!

I can feel parts of my leg and foot that i have not felt for months... And today for the first time i was able to lift

--
==================================================================
This mobile text message is brought to you by AT&T

I miss my boys

I an missing my boys but i know there is no way that. Can possibly keep them from hurting of in my current conditition...

Needs to have his eyes checked...

Recovery... Day 2... Rob says i look pretty... I think he needs his eyes checked...

kinda looks how I feel...

I kinda feel like this hummas sculpture looks... There new pain pills and muscle relaxors are crap and i think i look like this at every twinge of pain... Owww...

is this post op... i can't remember...

The surgery went well but damn I an in some pain... They took the morphene...

Multimedia message

Me the morning of the spinal event... I an trying to be positive but my thoughts keep racing... I should have asked for an anxiety pill or something ...

Multimedia message

This is Pint Size sportin his wonder pets pj's sent to him by Auntie Stacy and family, and let me tell ya... Once he donned the cape, he thought he could do anything...

T Minus 24 and Counting...

Well ladies and gents, come this time tomorrow, I will be getting prepped to go under the knife. They tell me that my leg pain will stop immediately and I will notice the difference immediately as well. They claim that I will be able to walk a block and up a flight of stairs post op... and that I will be sore for the first couple of weeks because the are cutting through muscle and bone... there are certain activities that I have to refrain from for no less than three weeks, but I should try to walk at least a block a day to help the healing process... the more activity I have, the faster I am suppose to heal.

In no way am I expecting to suffer the way that I did for the Gastric Bypass, or wish death upon myself for wonder what in the hell did I do to my body and why the hell for, for the first two weeks post op... If I survived that, I can survive this piddly back surgery...People keep asking me if I am scared or worried... They weren't there 8 years ago when I thought I wasn't coming off that table alive... this is a cake walk by comparison... sure, there are lots of risks, but I am in a hell of a better place mentally and physically... I am happier than I have ever been, and I am about to be pain diminished... and hopefully morphine free... I look forward to bike riding, geocaching, and learning how to ballroom dance... this is only going to open a new chapter in Silverfox's biography... and I am going to love it... and I think the kids will too...

Obama Nation [props to Ringo for the title]

Well, last night's results being called as soon as the polls were closed in California really disgusted me as the results had not even been called in from the polling stations before they declared Obama the next president and all I can say is that I am really disgusted with the voters of our country. I have no problem if the voters supported his platform.. but what exactly was his platform... he was explicitly VAGUE in everything he said... he ran on a platform of change and blissful ignorance, and if he turns this nation into the Socialist country that he implies that he wants, it is time for revolution.

Bush ran this country into the ground. He and his Oil field buddies milking the economy by raising gas prices and throwing the system out of balance raising the cost of living across the board. This just pushed the envelope and then people were unable to afford their mortgages pushing this country into the downward spiral and headed toward the repeat depression we are looking at today. A little known tid bit is that the safe guards that were placed on the banking institutions to keep the depression from ever happening again were removed by a legal team during the 90's... can you guess who was on that legal team... your new president elect... OBAMA...

And on the local frontier, for people to elect Jefferson, a known Crook, is beyond me. This is a man that took National Guard from saving lives during Katrina to go to his home to get cash that he had stashed in his freezer. That is the kind of individual that these people put back in office. So, I don't doubt that there are people who just voted for Obama for his skin tone. I heard radio interviews of individuals that thought that Palin was Obama's running mate. If these are the individuals that voted for him, well, you get what you deserve...

But, I do say this to Mr. Man... You promise change... you better bring it... I have known your type before, and I have no faith in empty promises... you deny half of your heritage and claim only the part that will gain you the notarity that brings you the fame that got you in this office.. but if you fail, you will be the biggest joke of your race... it is only a matter of time before the first black comedian associates the N~ word with the White House and it will disgrace the Nation...

A Special Post for Election Day...

See more funny videos at Funny or Die

SCREW OBAMA AND MCCAIN...

VOTE FOR LANDO!!!

Multi-Tasking

Most of my friends know by now that I am a Fiend for Rock Band. Well, my instruments of choice are vocals and guitar, and a while back, my friend Dave challenged me to do both at once. During my Rock Band Halo Fest, one of my attendees belted out Aqualung while playing the guitar and impressed the entire house while doing so. So, I finally accepted the challenge, and I must say that I impressed myself with my skills while doing so. I was able to complete vocals on expert and bass guitar on medium while getting 4 stars but not topping my high score as photoed here on my first attempt with the vocals on hard. This encouraged Rob to do the same, but we didn't get to do much as the munchkins demanded that we include them in our play time. So, this seems to be a new application to our game system... we shall have to issue the challenge to others ...

Rock On!!!

As I get older I am starting to feel Dingy...

My Cell Phone only allows for 6 Alarms in the day and I have a need for so many more. I have Three Medication Reminders Programed into the phone throughout the day already, two for me and one for my son. And then there are reminders for the schoolbus and when to pick up my son from school, but seriously, what if I have something special to do. I am completely out of luck.

This morning, I checked my alarm clock, and my alarm went off during the night for me to take my medication , but when I checked my pill case, my pills were still there. So, I guess, I woke up, and took the wrong pills in the middle of the night, which would explain why I was hurting this morning.

So, yes, the dingyness has gotten the best of me... but I am not going to let it get me down... Not counting today, I have 5 days till the back surgery, and I am excited. The possability of no more back pain and getting fixed has me happy... not to mention that I have lost 18 lbs since Gustov...

Anyways, I have to get to work and start cooking dinner... mmmm Steak....

National Blog Posting Month....

Well, I have decided to give this a shot, and this first post is a short one because I have to beat the deadline to post today. Frustrated, I didn't realize that I already have a password for the Ning network, so I attempted to register and register over and over again and again. Yes, I am such a ditz.

November is the month of 'Thanksgiving' which I being part Native American begrudgingly call Turkey day. As Turkey day approaches, I will reveal my back story of why I refer to it as Turkey Day, but I will reflect on the things that I am thankful for in my life too. I have worked hard for what I have earned and do live a privileged life because of it. I am loved and I am lucky to be loved by such a wonderful man and two beautiful sons. So NaBloPoMo, you will meet me, and my family this month. Welcome to my world.